8 Sleeps to Go Until I Give the Boot the Boot

... I hope... because if not, I think I shall go completely insane. I am quite certain that I am serious about that. I have learned a lot of things about resting and taking it easy and being patience blah blah blah. I appreciate the kindness of others like never before. Caden is forever in my prayers for an extra blessing for being so absolutely wonderful during the past 37 days. Without him, I would still be very broken. No doubt whatsoever.

I have also learned a lot about myself. You'd think that with all of the soul searching that I have done the past 10 years or so I'd have myself figured out. I guess because we are ever-evolving we never really quite get there. In my "here-and-now", this is what I have learned about me:

• I am very scared of anyone in the medical profession. This is well documented. I pretty much will do anything that a doctor or nurse or anyone in a white coat tells me to do. If I don't have someone with me, or record what they have told me, I don't really retain anything of what they say because my number one goal is to get the hell out of there alive. I know this is irrational and I know it's not good for me. I have listened to what my doctor has said. I have stayed off of my leg until this past week. I have rested. I have been on my freaking couch waaaay more than any human being should.  I want to heal as fast as humanly possible. I NEED to do this. Now.
• I do have patience, but it is not limitless. 4 weeks is pretty much my limit. Then I am flat out miserable and resentful and weepy and mad at the world. I feel sorry for myself and really jealous of everyone out skiing and running and eating in restaurants and having drinks with friends and smiling for the camera... you know who you are... EVERYONE... 
• I haven't reached out to my friends and family in a long time to just say thank you and I love you and I miss you. It took me being stuck on my couch to learn that when you stop doing this, so do other people. All of a sudden you are alone. I've started sending little notes of gratitude to these people. This is a goal of mine now and it is a great way to start my day. And I've been getting a lot of great feedback from them. My job with the company that I work for is to motivate and thank our associates in "the field". I know how important it is to say thank you and that you are appreciated. I don't think that people do this often enough.... and I have to put myself at the top of the list of people not doing it enough because it is the only list I have control of.
• In the same vein, I need to start creating a network of friends where I am now. I've had no visitors because I don't really have friends here. They aren't knocking on my door looking for me. I need to start looking for them. Working from home doesn't allow for a lot of face to face time with other people. I'm settled in. Caden is doing well.  It's time for me to get involved in something bigger than me and find those special ladies that I share commonalities with. I don't want to be just known as "Caden's Mom". I like to stand on my own merit. 

Those are my biggest takeaways. I also want to say that you never truly appreciate what you have until you don't have it. Honestly, I thought of this a lot when I ran. I was very thankful to have the legs that I had and the health that I did and the fitness and the drive... I didn't take it for granted. But it wasn't until it was truly taken away from me that I fully understood or appreciated just how much your legs do for you. And how difficult even the most mundane things can be without the use of them, or someone to help. Try crutches out for a full day... not just a spin up and down the hall. Better yet, give it three days or so so you can experience the bruising. Or when you get tired and will yourself to not fall or up, the stairs. Try going in and out of buildings that don't have the handicap accessible doors. My bone doctor does not have these doors. Each week I have to try to hop in between two very heavy doors while carrying my crutches.... while people sitting inside just sit there and watch me struggle. There is a lesson in there for me. I've learned a bunch of them!