..was my last blog entry? Seriously? I think I've written about a dozen of them but keep deleting them. Editing myself far too much. I guess that may not have been a bad thing, as when I'm emotional I am not always the most politically correct and I had a bit of (and by bit of I mean a B-I-G f$%&ing sh!t load of) a roller coaster ride year last year. All ended well but it wasn't my easiest year. Worthy of a few chapters in the Book of Cat, though. Short chapters, but there were definitely a few worthy of their own chapters.
2015 is different. Three weeks in and happier than I have been in a good, long while. Why, dear reader? Well. There are lots of pieces that contribute to the whole. In the past year I've learned to let go of dreams that weren't really right for anyone. Big reality check. I've learned to finally embrace what I do want. I've learned to ask for help, and accept it when offered. That was a very, very hard thing for me to break through, but with the help of some awesome new friends, fantastic older ones and a strengthened family bond that I've always wanted...I finally am at the point in my life where I accept that I don't have to do everything on my own and I don't always have to be strong. I don't always have to put everyone else before me and I don't have to accept other people putting their friends and family before me most of them time. I remember telling my ex-husband that I wanted to feel like I mattered. I know I do. I'm not a pessimistic person in any sense of the word. But there were actions that I allowed in my life that caused me to feel like I didn't matter enough to those that I loved. Yes, it was me that allowed it. I take full ownership of that. But the flip side of that coin is... I wasn't in the right relationships.
I really don't ask for anything grandiose or out of reach. First and foremost, I don't want anyone to attempt to change for me. I need someone much like myself...think of your partner often and don't always put yourself, your friends and family first. That being said, I have a family and friends and there are definitely times that they must come first. I totally get that and fully support it. I'm just really, really not good with frequently being at the bottom of the totem pole. Don't punish me for past relationships and I promise the same. I understand everyone needs to learn from past relationships, but learn to let go. I live in the here and now. The past has shaped me and no one can know where the future is going, so enjoy the now with who you are with...now.
So. Okay. One of the greatest reasons for my happiness is someone that I met three weeks ago that has turned my entire world up.side.down. I was fairly happy going in to this. Work is going well. I have the best kiddo in the world. Great friends that are always there for me. I never feel alone. But I did feel lonely. There is a difference. Three weeks ago, everything changed and I haven't stopped smiling.
There is much more to come on this as the love story unfolds. It's a beautiful story. A princess who found her prince story. A top of the totem pole story for both of us. And I'll share it as the journey continues. I wanted to hold it close to my heart in the beginning but I think it's time to share. To start writing again. Get ready, my friends. Take my hand and leap off the edge with me... because... Cat is in love. Madly.
So happy for you!
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