Cue Michael Bublé singing Feeling Good… which FYI is how I start all of my races …
I left today's orthopedic visit with a fancy lace-up brace and was instructed to retire the boot and crutches. CHECK! I start physical therapy next week (4 sessions) and have a follow up x-rays on 4/10. Instructed to not play racquetball or do any strenuous mountain hikes. I can do that. He didn't say I couldn't run.. and I didn't ask. I am hoping to start up again at a slow lope in about two weeks time. I'll ask them at PT. But I am going to start working out again! I'm mobile! I'll be careful with the left leg and ankle- but I also want to get it fully back in use. And I want to start P90X and not just watch Todd, wishing I could do it too!
To be honest I mostly ditched the boot and crutches 2 days ago. Last night I slept bootless for the first time since I broke it. I kept waking up thinking it was going to hurt when I shifted around. There were a couple of wince-worthy moments, but nothing like "sleeping" with a big plastic, neoprene and velcro contraption strapped to your leg. I am not going to miss that. It was such a luxury to actually have both legs under the sheets. But it was really hot in here last night and I ended up on top of the sheets anyhow. But I didn't have to be there. :-)
Last week I hit a few really low spots. I cried a lot.Today I feel like I am Spring. Reborn. New. Sounds pretty extreme and corny but after six long weeks of losing my freedom and not being able to do much for myself or anyone else, this was much needed. I'm just not wired for that. Believe me, I tried really, really hard to be patient. I listened to all of your advice. I wanted to heal ASAP. But it kicked me around mentally. And it wasn't over before I knew it- it was a very long and drawn out time. And I am done with it.
It's in the low 80s today… 27 or so Celsius for my Canadians. I'm in my office wearing shorts, a tank top and my little brace. In an hour and a half I'll head out to pick up Cade from school and I'll be walking without crutches to pick him up. Hooray! When I get home, I think I am going to sit out on the lawn with a book and maybe crack open a beer (I bought stout to make your cupcakes, Sarah!) and celebrate the end of the longest six months of my life and welcome in the next phase!
Side note… thank goodness for health insurance. My emergency room visit was $1,418.30. I was only responsible for $67.50.
Tuesday, March 13, 2012
Monday, March 12, 2012
Goals
With 4 and 1/2 weeks left in the fiscal year with the company that I work for, I was asked for my goals for the year. Because when I resigned/moved/signed-on-to-stay-temporarily/decided-to-stay-on-permanently-because-it-was-working-well-remotely we didn't think I'd be there long enough for goals so my work goals weren't established. Now as the year is starting to wind down, my boss thought it would be a good time to record goals. I am thankful for this as it's been a good year and this means that I'll be able to reap some of the rewards for the successful year. But at the same time, it's hard to set a "goal" after the fact. It's not realistic to set five new goals to achieve before the end of the year and it's delicate to set goals that I have already achieved, isn't it? But I should be recognized for what I have achieved.
I drift around without goals. Not only in business but in my personal life as well. Whenever I am feeling disconnected and like life is passing me by, it's because I haven't given myself a challenge. I need to do this. This is one of the things that I love about racing. I sign up for something and then work towards it. It makes workouts easier and a little more meaningful than just pursuing "improved health". Not that that isn't probably more important that finishing a race, but the race is a step towards the ultimate goal of improved or maintained health. The next race is my next step. Once I stop taking steps I stop moving. Literally. So, I'm signed up for a couple of biggish races. The next is the Flying Pig on May 6th. This was supposed to be a marathon for me, but just I just applied to step it down to the half marathon. I haven't ran since January and I probably have another 2 weeks before I start up again, if everything goes well with my appointment tomorrow. This only gives me a month to train. I know I can do it. I have Chicago in the fall and I plan on training the heck out of this. I have an ambitious time goal for that race. I am setting a loose goal for the Pig. A little more than "just finishing it", but not much more than that or else I will hurt myself (I am extremely stubborn and can push through almost anything). But I understand (I do!) that I can cause serious damage to myself and could ruin my opportunity to be able to race successfully ever again. So... loose time goal!
I've set myself another personal goal and that is to say thank you to people in my life. I've been starting my mornings once or twice a week with a big cup of coffee and a note card or two and I've been writing simple "thank you for being part of my life... and I am thinking of you" cards. And I've been mailing them! I've sent out a few gifts. For about 12 years I have been buying cards, gifts and making gifts and I just don't take the time to stop what I'm doing, sit down, write and MAIL. It is so easy to do and now that I've established a routine, I look forward to it. And I have received such positive feedback on this from the recipients... it just snowballs for me and reinforces that this is a good practice for me. Email and FB is nice... something in your hand is better.
Goals are kind of like resolutions, but not really. Resolutions seem so final and set in stone and once you mess up you are done. In my mind, a goal is a work in progress. Something to be revisited frequently to check your progress or lack thereof. If you've made progress- great! Do you need to adjust it because it's been easier than you thought or has the pursuit of the goal taken you in a different direction and you need to modify? If you are not making progress is there a roadblock you need help removing or should your goal be something else at this time? You don't fail if you don't hit your goal- think of the goal as a plan of what you want to achieve and how you think you are going to do it. It should be flexible, with small realistic steps and you should be able to quantify and measure it. How will you know when you have achieved it? What does this look like to you? Share your goal with people you trust if you like- they can help you in your pursuit of success. If you don't have supporters, find someone who does. There are a lot of cheerleaders out there... I am one of the biggest!
What are YOUR goals?
I drift around without goals. Not only in business but in my personal life as well. Whenever I am feeling disconnected and like life is passing me by, it's because I haven't given myself a challenge. I need to do this. This is one of the things that I love about racing. I sign up for something and then work towards it. It makes workouts easier and a little more meaningful than just pursuing "improved health". Not that that isn't probably more important that finishing a race, but the race is a step towards the ultimate goal of improved or maintained health. The next race is my next step. Once I stop taking steps I stop moving. Literally. So, I'm signed up for a couple of biggish races. The next is the Flying Pig on May 6th. This was supposed to be a marathon for me, but just I just applied to step it down to the half marathon. I haven't ran since January and I probably have another 2 weeks before I start up again, if everything goes well with my appointment tomorrow. This only gives me a month to train. I know I can do it. I have Chicago in the fall and I plan on training the heck out of this. I have an ambitious time goal for that race. I am setting a loose goal for the Pig. A little more than "just finishing it", but not much more than that or else I will hurt myself (I am extremely stubborn and can push through almost anything). But I understand (I do!) that I can cause serious damage to myself and could ruin my opportunity to be able to race successfully ever again. So... loose time goal!
I've set myself another personal goal and that is to say thank you to people in my life. I've been starting my mornings once or twice a week with a big cup of coffee and a note card or two and I've been writing simple "thank you for being part of my life... and I am thinking of you" cards. And I've been mailing them! I've sent out a few gifts. For about 12 years I have been buying cards, gifts and making gifts and I just don't take the time to stop what I'm doing, sit down, write and MAIL. It is so easy to do and now that I've established a routine, I look forward to it. And I have received such positive feedback on this from the recipients... it just snowballs for me and reinforces that this is a good practice for me. Email and FB is nice... something in your hand is better.
Goals are kind of like resolutions, but not really. Resolutions seem so final and set in stone and once you mess up you are done. In my mind, a goal is a work in progress. Something to be revisited frequently to check your progress or lack thereof. If you've made progress- great! Do you need to adjust it because it's been easier than you thought or has the pursuit of the goal taken you in a different direction and you need to modify? If you are not making progress is there a roadblock you need help removing or should your goal be something else at this time? You don't fail if you don't hit your goal- think of the goal as a plan of what you want to achieve and how you think you are going to do it. It should be flexible, with small realistic steps and you should be able to quantify and measure it. How will you know when you have achieved it? What does this look like to you? Share your goal with people you trust if you like- they can help you in your pursuit of success. If you don't have supporters, find someone who does. There are a lot of cheerleaders out there... I am one of the biggest!
What are YOUR goals?
Monday, March 5, 2012
8 Sleeps to Go Until I Give the Boot the Boot
... I hope... because if not, I think I shall go completely insane. I am quite certain that I am serious about that. I have learned a lot of things about resting and taking it easy and being patience blah blah blah. I appreciate the kindness of others like never before. Caden is forever in my prayers for an extra blessing for being so absolutely wonderful during the past 37 days. Without him, I would still be very broken. No doubt whatsoever.
I have also learned a lot about myself. You'd think that with all of the soul searching that I have done the past 10 years or so I'd have myself figured out. I guess because we are ever-evolving we never really quite get there. In my "here-and-now", this is what I have learned about me:
I have also learned a lot about myself. You'd think that with all of the soul searching that I have done the past 10 years or so I'd have myself figured out. I guess because we are ever-evolving we never really quite get there. In my "here-and-now", this is what I have learned about me:
- I am very scared of anyone in the medical profession. This is well documented. I pretty much will do anything that a doctor or nurse or anyone in a white coat tells me to do. If I don't have someone with me, or record what they have told me, I don't really retain anything of what they say because my number one goal is to get the hell out of there alive. I know this is irrational and I know it's not good for me. I have listened to what my doctor has said. I have stayed off of my leg until this past week. I have rested. I have been on my freaking couch waaaay more than any human being should. I want to heal as fast as humanly possible. I NEED to do this. Now.
- I do have patience, but it is not limitless. 4 weeks is pretty much my limit. Then I am flat out miserable and resentful and weepy and mad at the world. I feel sorry for myself and really jealous of everyone out skiing and running and eating in restaurants and having drinks with friends and smiling for the camera... you know who you are... EVERYONE...
- I haven't reached out to my friends and family in a long time to just say thank you and I love you and I miss you. It took me being stuck on my couch to learn that when you stop doing this, so do other people. All of a sudden you are alone. I've started sending little notes of gratitude to these people. This is a goal of mine now and it is a great way to start my day. And I've been getting a lot of great feedback from them. My job with the company that I work for is to motivate and thank our associates in "the field". I know how important it is to say thank you and that you are appreciated. I don't think that people do this often enough.... and I have to put myself at the top of the list of people not doing it enough because it is the only list I have control of.
- In the same vein, I need to start creating a network of friends where I am now. I've had no visitors because I don't really have friends here. They aren't knocking on my door looking for me. I need to start looking for them. Working from home doesn't allow for a lot of face to face time with other people. I'm settled in. Caden is doing well. It's time for me to get involved in something bigger than me and find those special ladies that I share commonalities with. I don't want to be just known as "Caden's Mom". I like to stand on my own merit.
Those are my biggest takeaways. I also want to say that you never truly appreciate what you have until you don't have it. Honestly, I thought of this a lot when I ran. I was very thankful to have the legs that I had and the health that I did and the fitness and the drive... I didn't take it for granted. But it wasn't until it was truly taken away from me that I fully understood or appreciated just how much your legs do for you. And how difficult even the most mundane things can be without the use of them, or someone to help. Try crutches out for a full day... not just a spin up and down the hall. Better yet, give it three days or so so you can experience the bruising. Or when you get tired and will yourself to not fall or up, the stairs. Try going in and out of buildings that don't have the handicap accessible doors. My bone doctor does not have these doors. Each week I have to try to hop in between two very heavy doors while carrying my crutches.... while people sitting inside just sit there and watch me struggle. There is a lesson in there for me. I've learned a bunch of them!
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