January 2nd, 2015. A new year. A new beginning...and a date set up for 6:45 at the Wine Tap in Belleville. I'd never been to the Wine Tap before and I was thrilled to be going somewhere I could dress up a little. I work in the fashion industry. I have a closet full of dresses and pretty shoes and I've not had a lot of opportunity since moving here to dress up. So I picked out a new LBD (little black dress in case you aren't familiar with the term, or missed the earlier blog post about dresses) and wore my Tiffany blue heels and arrived about 10 minutes early. I like early. Not too early, but early enough that I'm not stressed. I sashayed (yep!) into the Wine Tap with a big smile on my face and enough nervousness making my heart beat a little askew. But it was a good feeling.
He wasn't there yet. I explained the hostess that I was meeting someone and would wait for him at the bar, which is right there as you walk in. She asked me if it was a blind date. Strange question. Not blind, I explained, but it was a first date. She smiled and told me to take a seat. I ordered a glass of pinot noir and a glass of water, and settled in to calm my nerves a bit.
Five minutes went by. Ten minutes went by. Fifteen. Oh oh. Twenty. He's now ten minutes late. What?! Am I being stood up? Is this a new first for me? I checked my phone for the 172nd time aaaaand... nope...no call. No text. Cue cricket sounds. So.. I texted a couple of friends in a panic saying I thought I was being stood up. Emailed my dad, who is in Mexico for three months, to let him know the same thing. Soon I would have been calling my friend Shirl back in BC. She is the one who gets phone calls from me when I'm crying. I even called her from Mexico when I needed someone to talk to. But thankfully, my phone rang and his name popped up.
I know I didn't sound my usual happy self. Was expecting to hear an excuse as to why he couldn't meet me. This was fifteen minutes after we were supposed to meet. He was talking a mile a minute. Something about a dog and getting wet and having to change...but there was music playing in the background at the bar and I couldn't really hear him. I did hear him ask me to wait for him. He said he'd be there in a half an hour. I agreed to wait. The bar staff was being very friendly, I hadn't finished my wine and I wasn't ready to walk away just yet. The hostess came up to me and I mentioned that he was running a little late and should be there by 7:30. She smiled at me, and explained that he had called earlier and explained that this was our first date and that he wanted to best table so we could talk and get to know each other. There was a reserved sign on the table that she pointed to. The sign was on the table before I got there. This wasn't something that he had just done. He really put thought into the date beforehand. Hmmm. This was new. I felt myself start to relax again. Deep breath.
He arrived right before 7:30. I felt the door open behind me. I took a moment and turned towards the door. The air went out of the room. Whoosh! He had his head down a little and looked up at me with a look of "forgive me?" on his face. He looked...nervous. Extremely handsome. Grabbed my heart right there and then. Shook it off internally and got out of my seat to hug him hello. O.M.G.
Want to hear the story as to why he was late? His son's dog got off her lead and bolted off for a nice Chariots of Fire run. I have a dog. I understand the panic this creates. He spent some time running through cornfields trying to get her back. His clothes got wet. His phone was back at the house. A perfect storm of lateness. Charming story, very well told. But he was so nervous and visibly shaken. Could not apologize enough. I couldn't convince him that it was okay, that I understood, so I decided to make a piece of pizza jump off my plate, hit me on the shoulder and fling itself dangerously close to the diners beside us. Just to break the tension. I'm good that way. :) Okay, I actually didn't do it on purpose, but it did happen. He got a good laugh out of it and it finally released the tension valve. And I'm glad my dorkiness came out to play so early on, as he shouldn't be surprised when things like this happen going forward, right? Fair warning...
We spent a couple of hours eating and drinking and laughing. It was comfortable. It was electric. There were major lightening bolts. I knew early on that I was in trouble because I was completely enamored. Hold back, Cat.
I asked if he would drive me home, as I had a little too much wine to drive home safely. Perfect gentleman, he agreed to drive me home and then take me to my car the next morning. On the way home we passed a local dive bar that I had never been to. Application of brakes and shortly after, we are inside talking to the regulars and continuing the date. This man is someone very special.
As he dropped me at my door, he handed me a brown paper bag. I opened it once inside and after my sitter went home. Inside was a beautifully written note (I read it daily). This was a first date gift. Three books that we had talked about on the phone, which he was lending me. Thoughtful...and he listens to me. A jar of homemade salsa. This man can cook!!! More to come on that in later posts. But the fact that he gave me something that he made...wow. And it was fantastic, by the way. Lastly, there was a cord for my son's laptop that I told him I was going to purchase the next day. My son's dog chewed through two cords and I made little man wait a few months to appreciate the fact that laptop cords don't grow on trees... This was something I had shared with T during one of our conversations earlier in the week. Again, he listens. And he acts. Honestly, this first date gesture made me cry. He put this together beforehand. I still have a hard time articulating this. This simply blew me away. Right out of the water. And every day since, every day since, this first date, I thank God for who He has brought into my life.
A great beginning and a wonderful month since that first time I set eyes on him. Cannot wait to see what's behind the next corner. I do know that it will be wonderful.
<3
Saturday, January 31, 2015
Monday, January 26, 2015
Online Dating
It's not easy meeting people when you work from home. I go out with my friends for drinks from time to time, and that's certainly not a place to meet men. Not my gig, anyhow. When I'm out with the girls I'm out with the girls. Guys aren't a part of that (unless it's a couples night). The only other place I frequent often is my local gym, but honestly, when I'm there I am there to work out. I am so focused on what I'm doing I couldn't even tell you if the person on the treadmill next to me is a guy or girl. Totally serious about that. I'm there to sweat as much as possible - and then get the heck out of there as fast as possible because I need a shower and prefer to do that at home and not linger around the locker room. I usually have to pick Cade up from the Kids Club, too, so I really do run in, run while there and then run out. Not going to meet anyone like that.
So. What to do? I heard of people having success with online dating, but frankly, it scared the heck out of me. Besides my cool friends who have had success...who signs up for those sites?! Anti-social weirdos, right? Well...maybe not so. Maybe I was a little quick to judge. But in my defense, the anti-social weirdos are definitely out there and online. Just saying'.
I checked out a few online sites and settled on match.com. What could it hurt? It might get me out and back into the dating world. I was beyond scared, and kinda felt like there might just be something wrong with me that I was resorting to looking for Mr. Right online. I chose a 3 month membership. Set up my profile and... within a week I cancelled. The emails and notification and views and winks totally overwhelmed me. What had I got myself into?! The people that I was being matched with? I swear a full three quarters of them were recently on parole and hadn't seen a hairbrush toothbrush or bar of soap within the past year. And they looked mean. Not a hint of a smile on their face. Their (ed.note...like how I had a big screaming "THERE" before I went back in to proof...doh!) profile were bare-bones and full of typos and huge, screaming grammatical errors. I wanted to crawl under a rock. I tried to be polite in the beginning and send quick "little-thank-you-but-I'm-not-interested" notes, trying to not hurt feelings. Oh boy, did I get some rude replies back! Here were a few of my insights if you are so inclined to check out online dating...
1. Don't post photos of yourself with your ex. Really don't post photos of yourself with your ex obviously cut out. Why do that? Why?
2. Post at least one photo. Maybe a half a dozen. A dozen is okay. Three hundred and ten of them? Not okay. The little default silhouette? Not okay.
3. Please, please, please...don't do the bathroom selfies. You know the ones... shot in a bathroom mirror, serious expression. The ones where you see the phone in the photo. And the bathroom sink. And the toilet/urinal. Nothing says "I'm your Mr. Right" like a toilet in the background. Sorry, I am sure there are millions of women that like this, because 9 out of 10 guys have such photos in their profiles, but I'm not one of of those women.
4. If you aren't smiling in your profile photo I expect that you don't smile much in life. For me, this means not a chance. Sorry!
5. You don't need to write a novel when you compose your profile blurb. It know it's not easy to write about yourself to a group of complete strangers. But it's through this blurb that I get an idea of who you are through your style and the words you chose. And whether you can spell. Or use the correct to, two and too... Lack of bio and poor spelling/bad grammar and I'm not interested. I know there is someone out there for you. I'm not her.
6. If you have a crappy attitude in your bio (you rant about past experiences), chill out! Who in their right mind would be attracted to that? You are combative right from the start. Just stop, already.
I did end up going out with three different guys. Had enjoyable dates but no lightening bolts. Interesting people and they were exactly as they portrayed themselves to be, which was reassuring. I have a few friends that use online dating and the stories they have about meeting people who were nothing like their profiles or photos made me laugh out loud. I think I was fortunate in screening out a lot of the nuts. But back to the dates- there was no real chemistry. I reactivated my account (when it's prepaid and you cancel, you are still matched up. They try to keep you hooked in this way). In the last two weeks of my membership, I received a flood of emails from guys that seemed really decent. I think this is done on purpose to lure you back in. I received one email on December 28th that for some reason, just grabbed me. He was actually local (not in Missouri) and was traveling back home from spending the holidays with relatives. He reached out to me before he got on the road to head back home and said he'd check his mail when he got home. There was just something there. Something below the surface. We emailed back and forth, then texted and then talked on the phone. We agreed to meet for a first date on January 2nd. That is when the world turned wonderfully upside down for me. Lightening bolts! :) To be continued... <3
So. What to do? I heard of people having success with online dating, but frankly, it scared the heck out of me. Besides my cool friends who have had success...who signs up for those sites?! Anti-social weirdos, right? Well...maybe not so. Maybe I was a little quick to judge. But in my defense, the anti-social weirdos are definitely out there and online. Just saying'.
I checked out a few online sites and settled on match.com. What could it hurt? It might get me out and back into the dating world. I was beyond scared, and kinda felt like there might just be something wrong with me that I was resorting to looking for Mr. Right online. I chose a 3 month membership. Set up my profile and... within a week I cancelled. The emails and notification and views and winks totally overwhelmed me. What had I got myself into?! The people that I was being matched with? I swear a full three quarters of them were recently on parole and hadn't seen a hairbrush toothbrush or bar of soap within the past year. And they looked mean. Not a hint of a smile on their face. Their (ed.note...like how I had a big screaming "THERE" before I went back in to proof...doh!) profile were bare-bones and full of typos and huge, screaming grammatical errors. I wanted to crawl under a rock. I tried to be polite in the beginning and send quick "little-thank-you-but-I'm-not-interested" notes, trying to not hurt feelings. Oh boy, did I get some rude replies back! Here were a few of my insights if you are so inclined to check out online dating...
1. Don't post photos of yourself with your ex. Really don't post photos of yourself with your ex obviously cut out. Why do that? Why?
2. Post at least one photo. Maybe a half a dozen. A dozen is okay. Three hundred and ten of them? Not okay. The little default silhouette? Not okay.
3. Please, please, please...don't do the bathroom selfies. You know the ones... shot in a bathroom mirror, serious expression. The ones where you see the phone in the photo. And the bathroom sink. And the toilet/urinal. Nothing says "I'm your Mr. Right" like a toilet in the background. Sorry, I am sure there are millions of women that like this, because 9 out of 10 guys have such photos in their profiles, but I'm not one of of those women.
4. If you aren't smiling in your profile photo I expect that you don't smile much in life. For me, this means not a chance. Sorry!
5. You don't need to write a novel when you compose your profile blurb. It know it's not easy to write about yourself to a group of complete strangers. But it's through this blurb that I get an idea of who you are through your style and the words you chose. And whether you can spell. Or use the correct to, two and too... Lack of bio and poor spelling/bad grammar and I'm not interested. I know there is someone out there for you. I'm not her.
6. If you have a crappy attitude in your bio (you rant about past experiences), chill out! Who in their right mind would be attracted to that? You are combative right from the start. Just stop, already.
I did end up going out with three different guys. Had enjoyable dates but no lightening bolts. Interesting people and they were exactly as they portrayed themselves to be, which was reassuring. I have a few friends that use online dating and the stories they have about meeting people who were nothing like their profiles or photos made me laugh out loud. I think I was fortunate in screening out a lot of the nuts. But back to the dates- there was no real chemistry. I reactivated my account (when it's prepaid and you cancel, you are still matched up. They try to keep you hooked in this way). In the last two weeks of my membership, I received a flood of emails from guys that seemed really decent. I think this is done on purpose to lure you back in. I received one email on December 28th that for some reason, just grabbed me. He was actually local (not in Missouri) and was traveling back home from spending the holidays with relatives. He reached out to me before he got on the road to head back home and said he'd check his mail when he got home. There was just something there. Something below the surface. We emailed back and forth, then texted and then talked on the phone. We agreed to meet for a first date on January 2nd. That is when the world turned wonderfully upside down for me. Lightening bolts! :) To be continued... <3
Friday, January 23, 2015
What?! March 4th...
..was my last blog entry? Seriously? I think I've written about a dozen of them but keep deleting them. Editing myself far too much. I guess that may not have been a bad thing, as when I'm emotional I am not always the most politically correct and I had a bit of (and by bit of I mean a B-I-G f$%&ing sh!t load of) a roller coaster ride year last year. All ended well but it wasn't my easiest year. Worthy of a few chapters in the Book of Cat, though. Short chapters, but there were definitely a few worthy of their own chapters.
2015 is different. Three weeks in and happier than I have been in a good, long while. Why, dear reader? Well. There are lots of pieces that contribute to the whole. In the past year I've learned to let go of dreams that weren't really right for anyone. Big reality check. I've learned to finally embrace what I do want. I've learned to ask for help, and accept it when offered. That was a very, very hard thing for me to break through, but with the help of some awesome new friends, fantastic older ones and a strengthened family bond that I've always wanted...I finally am at the point in my life where I accept that I don't have to do everything on my own and I don't always have to be strong. I don't always have to put everyone else before me and I don't have to accept other people putting their friends and family before me most of them time. I remember telling my ex-husband that I wanted to feel like I mattered. I know I do. I'm not a pessimistic person in any sense of the word. But there were actions that I allowed in my life that caused me to feel like I didn't matter enough to those that I loved. Yes, it was me that allowed it. I take full ownership of that. But the flip side of that coin is... I wasn't in the right relationships.
I really don't ask for anything grandiose or out of reach. First and foremost, I don't want anyone to attempt to change for me. I need someone much like myself...think of your partner often and don't always put yourself, your friends and family first. That being said, I have a family and friends and there are definitely times that they must come first. I totally get that and fully support it. I'm just really, really not good with frequently being at the bottom of the totem pole. Don't punish me for past relationships and I promise the same. I understand everyone needs to learn from past relationships, but learn to let go. I live in the here and now. The past has shaped me and no one can know where the future is going, so enjoy the now with who you are with...now.
So. Okay. One of the greatest reasons for my happiness is someone that I met three weeks ago that has turned my entire world up.side.down. I was fairly happy going in to this. Work is going well. I have the best kiddo in the world. Great friends that are always there for me. I never feel alone. But I did feel lonely. There is a difference. Three weeks ago, everything changed and I haven't stopped smiling.
There is much more to come on this as the love story unfolds. It's a beautiful story. A princess who found her prince story. A top of the totem pole story for both of us. And I'll share it as the journey continues. I wanted to hold it close to my heart in the beginning but I think it's time to share. To start writing again. Get ready, my friends. Take my hand and leap off the edge with me... because... Cat is in love. Madly.
2015 is different. Three weeks in and happier than I have been in a good, long while. Why, dear reader? Well. There are lots of pieces that contribute to the whole. In the past year I've learned to let go of dreams that weren't really right for anyone. Big reality check. I've learned to finally embrace what I do want. I've learned to ask for help, and accept it when offered. That was a very, very hard thing for me to break through, but with the help of some awesome new friends, fantastic older ones and a strengthened family bond that I've always wanted...I finally am at the point in my life where I accept that I don't have to do everything on my own and I don't always have to be strong. I don't always have to put everyone else before me and I don't have to accept other people putting their friends and family before me most of them time. I remember telling my ex-husband that I wanted to feel like I mattered. I know I do. I'm not a pessimistic person in any sense of the word. But there were actions that I allowed in my life that caused me to feel like I didn't matter enough to those that I loved. Yes, it was me that allowed it. I take full ownership of that. But the flip side of that coin is... I wasn't in the right relationships.
I really don't ask for anything grandiose or out of reach. First and foremost, I don't want anyone to attempt to change for me. I need someone much like myself...think of your partner often and don't always put yourself, your friends and family first. That being said, I have a family and friends and there are definitely times that they must come first. I totally get that and fully support it. I'm just really, really not good with frequently being at the bottom of the totem pole. Don't punish me for past relationships and I promise the same. I understand everyone needs to learn from past relationships, but learn to let go. I live in the here and now. The past has shaped me and no one can know where the future is going, so enjoy the now with who you are with...now.
So. Okay. One of the greatest reasons for my happiness is someone that I met three weeks ago that has turned my entire world up.side.down. I was fairly happy going in to this. Work is going well. I have the best kiddo in the world. Great friends that are always there for me. I never feel alone. But I did feel lonely. There is a difference. Three weeks ago, everything changed and I haven't stopped smiling.
There is much more to come on this as the love story unfolds. It's a beautiful story. A princess who found her prince story. A top of the totem pole story for both of us. And I'll share it as the journey continues. I wanted to hold it close to my heart in the beginning but I think it's time to share. To start writing again. Get ready, my friends. Take my hand and leap off the edge with me... because... Cat is in love. Madly.
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