Okay... still on the Broken Train

Crafty-friend-blog-entry still to come. I can't ignore the 10 lb boot in the room...

I took a bad photo this week- too close to the screen.

But the good news- still on the mend. No changes in displacement from last week. Looks like next week I should be able to start using the leg again. I really, really hope so. Folks, when you do not use a muscle you lose the muscle. My muscles have been fighting it. They've been losing, but they have been complaining bitterly along the way. How? Cramps. Cramps to remind me that "Hello?!?!! We are still here!!!!" This past week I have been waking up in the middle of the night with my calf muscle knotted up so tightly that it makes me cry. I want so badly to stretch but if my leg starts the stretch process it goes into muscle lock.

Last Thursday I had a bout with food poinsoning. Could have been the flu- it has been spreading like wildfire here, but it only lasted for about 3 hours of being really, really sick, and then I was just feeling sick for the rest of the day. But I was sick. I'm not going into graphic details, but I also recommend not being sick if you ever have a broken leg. This also resulted in me crying. Too much of that lately! But since then, my balance has been off. Not great for crutches. Really not great for crutches on stairs. I've been staying upstairs all day, or downstairs all day. I've been avoiding the stairs as much as possible and I feel this is for the best. Someone is watching over me, though. No doubt about that!

Another thing... I thought I'd be gaining a few pounds as I basically am as active as a rock right now. But I haven't. I think it's because during the day when I am alone, it is a pain in the ass leg to get myself into the kitchen. Once I get there, it seems that everything I want is not something that one can carry while operating crutches. And while I have been standing in the kitchen and eating, it does makes me eat less. I'm also probably dehydrated for the same reason. I should be filling up containers and putting them in my little messenger bag and carrying them around, but I just don't. My own fault. I just think that I am pretty much done with this. Ready for the next phase. Really.

I am going fishing tomorrow! So looking forward to getting out and I am hoping to pull in a big baby. But mostly, I just want to get out. Three weeks is too long to be housebound. Looking forward to some Vitamin D!!! I'll probably be carried from car to boat and back, and placed in a nice chair while I fish, I'm fine with that. A day with Caden on the lake with a picnic lunch... perfection!

A Little Less Broken

In the continuing saaaa-gaaaa....

For those of you who follow me on Facebook, you've probably already seen this, so please bear with me. I think it's much more interesting to see bones that to see my distorted and discolored foot pix. But this was my x-ray, 9 days in...

2 views of my left leg

Dr. Beyer says I'm on the mend! He wants me back next week and then the week after that for additional x-rays to ensure the bone is staying where it should be and healing the way it should be. Got the "if things change you will need pins and screws" lecture again. Pretty much not going to let that happen. As much as it pains me- figuratively and literally- I'm keeping off of it as much as I can. Again, I am really thankful that I am able to work from home. I would have had to take a medical leave if not. 

A few more tips that I have collected in the past week... 

Lesson #9

Throw Rugs are NOT your Friend. 

Neither are clothes on the floor. Crutches dislike throw rugs and miscellaneous scattered clothing. Especially when both are in rooms of little boys. Racetracks and Legos aren't very crutch-friendly, either. Okay. Just stay out of the room of 7 year old boys.

Lesson #10

Socks are a Challenge. 

Invest in a good non-slip sock. You probably only need one for the good foot. If you need to have one on the bad foot it will probably need to be 3 sizes bigger than the good foot. And don't even think about trying to sockify the bad foot for a week or so after the break, unless you want to test your pain tolerance even further. Could lead to a good black out which may make you fall... that could be bad. Just sayin'.

Lesson #11

Patience is an 8 letter Word... 

... which means it is the equivalent of 2 four letter words. And I have used every four letter word in the past 10 days. Multiple times. I kind of have a reputation for being calm, cool and collected. In the past 10 days I have had many, many moments of not being any of those. I've been mad, depressed, crying, feeling guilty for feeling sorry for myself because when the dust settles, it's just a broken leg. I would never have thought that I'd fall apart like this. But I have. It is very, very frustrating to not be able to do anything without a heck of a lot of effort and to have to rely on other people so much. I am bored out of my mind- and there is so much that I could be doing to occupy my mind- but I'm just not in the right space at the moment. 

So... after one week the swelling has gone down a lot. A lot. The discoloration is really mostly mainly around the break site now, which is a gorgeous black, grey and purple. Two of my toes are a little grey looking from bruising, but  it's nicer than last week's green hue and it's not so hoof-like. Yay! I stopped with the pain meds last Thursday. Again, with the decrease in swelling the pain is much less. I get a shooting, pulsating  pain at the break site a few times a day but it is nothing I can't handle and it really doesn't last long. The rest of the time my leg actually feels good to the point that I forget that it is any different than the other... except for the knee high boot that feels like it weighs 10 lbs. Now that my foot is back to almost normal size, there is a lot of wiggle room in my boot, so I need to dig out the additional padding that they gave me. The boot is hot and not the most comfortable, but it is better than a cast! Even though I am only supposed to take it off for a "quick shower" (uhhh... not really sure how I am supposed to shower standing on one leg, so I maneuver myself in and out of the tub instead), I do sneak it off a couple of times a day to give it a breather when I have my leg propped up on the couch or when getting changed (duh). I don't leave the couch without it, though. After having my garbage-can-incident late last week when I almost fell over and had to put the bad foot down, I know that if I slip or bobble at all without the boot on, I'll be in a really bad place. Don't want to go there!

That's all for now, folks! My next blog entry I want to share a few cool things that artsy friends of mine have been doing while I have been feeling sorry for myself... :)

I'm Broken

What I have learned about having a broken leg after 3 days of having a broken leg:

If you click to make bigger it's easier to see, but the break is on the left side of the fibula.




Lesson #1

Don't hook your legs around the legs of a bar stool, even if you are wearing cute new shoes. 

There have been a few times in my life that  I have felt the scary sensation of starting to slide off a stool with my legs twined around the stool legs and thought to myself "Whew! I probably could have broken something if I actually fell!".  Let me confirm for you that this is indeed a very real probability.

Lesson #2

If you have an ER doctor that is yawning, acts like he doesn't see you and avoids eye contact, you probably (definitely) want a second opinion. 

While he was correct in the fact it was a break, he said it was horizontal and not vertical and that I could be healed in about 3 weeks. But to be fair, I obviously did wake him...

Lesson #3

When they say the 48 hours after breaking a bone is going to be the most painful time, believe it. 

Actually, mine was probably more like 52 hours, but when it happened I experienced the most intense urge to run around my bedroom screaming and crying because I didn't know what else to do. I jumped out of bed (as best as someone with a broken leg can), grabbed my crutches and crutched myself around the upper level of the house, crying. I decided against the screaming as I didn't think the boys would be too keen on that. They needed their sleep so they could look after me the next day, anyhow.

Lesson #4

Be very nice to your friends and family. Start now if you are currently a big meany. 

You never know when you are going to need them to carry you up and down the stairs, cook you wonderful meals, bake fresh cookies for you, bring you little white pills to make the explosions of pain a little duller... and insist that you lie down with your foot elevated higher than your head. See... it's a good thing I didn't do the screaming part mentioned in Lesson 3.

Lesson #4

If you don't currently practice yoga, you may want to give it a shot.

Tree pose is particularly helpful to practice balance on one leg. I think I would have broken my leg clean off by now, along with some cracked ribs and possibly a skull injury thrown in there from falling down the stairs without having the stabilized core that I have from yoga. Trust me- good balance is your friend.

Lesson #5

Invest in a small backpack, messenger bag or cute shoulder strap Coach bag. 

... because you cannot carry anything on crutches, unless you utilize your teeth. And no, Mom, I would never do that (except for 2 days ago when I carried two bags of ice into the living room so I could ice my leg...). A bag is especially helpful to carry your phone(s) around with you. I have three; a home phone, a work phone and my cell phone. When I am carrying just two of them, the third one will always ring from a different level of the house. I then feel obligated to crutch along like a tornado to answer a call from someone about lowering my mortgage interest rates. I have not been Happy Cat when I do answer these calls, so if you are one of those people who is trying to lower my mortgage rate you may want to reconsider calling me for the next 4- 12 weeks. Just sayin'. In your snazzy bag, carry all said phones, a pen and paper in case you need to send paper airplane notes to people who are not paying you enough attention and your wallet in case you get bored and start surfing and shopping online. You never know- you may find some cute things to decorate your boot or cast that you are starting at all day, every day, as you lie down with your foot elevated higher than your head.

*Special shout out to Tina who suggested investing in a CamelBack to put your coffee in because... hello! You can't carry a coffee cup around! Coffee through a tube is better than no coffee at all, and a CamelBack affords you the added bonus of keeping your back warm. Or you could use it as a heating pad in a pinch.

Lesson #6

Unless you have a bunch of sick time left and your company qualifies a broken leg as "sick", get a job that lets you work from home. 

While I had to edit the location of my home office, it is working- and I am still working. This helps me to feel like I am contributing more that just helping my loved ones get more exercise and hone their cooking skills while they take care of my sorry butt. Mmmm. Cooking. I'm hungry. I hope my own personal Iron Chef gets home soon... but I digress...

Lesson #7

When using crutches, you should be pressing them against your ribs and not leaning into your armpits. My bruised armpits couldn't agree more.

Special thanks to Clare for sharing this extremely valuable bit of info. Sorry she had to have a terrible car accident in which she broke both of her legs and multiple ribs and a bunch of other things... nothing funny about this one.

Lesson #8

Spent the time to find the RIGHT Most Wonderful Boyfriend/Husband/Significant Other in the World. 

Again, trust me. This will make all the difference as to whether this will be a terrible 3-12 week ride, or one that you can turn into humorous blog entries. Or entries that seem humorous to you because of the little white pain killers that probably do a little more than just dull the pain.

More lessons as I continue to learn them. Right now, I think I may work on my hockey skills as I lie down with my foot elevated higher than my head. Or maybe I'll take a nap. Or start knitting. Or register for the Chicago Marathon! Registration opened a half an hour ago! Bye!

There Be Ghosts

Okay- I'm going away from my usual topics and am going to write about something that I don't really believe in. I'd like to say that I don't believe at all, but why write about it, then? For instance, I won't write a blog post about Bigfoot, although right now it is a weekly topic at our household. I'm not a cynical person by nature but some things... yeah...just not happening for me.

I'm not a believer in ghosts. Never really wanted to believe in them, until my Mom passed away. Then I started to wish that they were real. I wanted to believe. Badly. I can't tell you the amount of times I've asked her to give me a sign to let me know that she is still with me- to feel her embrace when I need it the most. I've had a few little things happen that I started to chalk up to it being my Mom trying to reach out to me. I think it was wishful thinking though. I saw things because I wanted to so desperately.

I did see her once. When I was running the Marine Corp Marathon, at about mile 24, there was a woman in the crowd that looked so much like her. She had the same mannerisms. The same stance. She was eating something and leaning over a stand. She looked straight into my eyes and said "You are doing great. You can do it". She smiled at me, and then looked down... and then I lost her. Cue sad music. I felt deeply lost and bewildered at that moment in time. It shook me. I kept thinking "Damn. That sure looked like my Mom". I kept running and it was a welcome distraction to get me through the finish. I told a friend about it a month or so afterwards and said how much this lady reminded me of my Mom. She said "Maybe it was your Mom". Puzzle pieces fitting together suddenly. It all felt right. So... maybe? I choose to believe that it was my Mom. It's the closest thing yet.

But I'm not writing this because of that incident. I am writing this because I do believe that there is a ghost in our house. I don't think it's a mean, movie-kind-of-ghost. Or a sappy help-me-find-my-loved-one ghost.  Or a somebody-done-me-wrong-song kind of ghost. But I feel there is something here.

Twice I have come out of a dead sleep because I felt someone was standing beside me. And I have clearly heard a man speak to me. The first time he said my name. Two nights ago, he said "hello beautiful". Both times it has scared me so badly that I haven't been able to get back to sleep. Both times I thought that someone was in the house and was hiding. I stayed awake, waiting for some kind of movement or the onset of a brutal battle. I've probably read one too many scary books. Both times have been when the night light in the bathroom has burnt out so it is unusually dark in here. It makes me feel like a child again, scared of the dark and paralyzed by fear. But when I really got to thinking about it, I chose to believe that it's a ghost. Sure- it's most likely just my over- tired brain... echos of conversations past. Bits and pieces of memories knitting into a new tapestry.... or... a ghost. A ghost that feels more comfortable when it's just he and I. He also prefers the dark. I've talked myself into feeling a little better about it. While I may be a little bit of a believer now, I still don't believe in bad or mean ghosts. Maybe just a presence that likes to reach out once in awhile. To feel connected to what once was. I don't know. But I'm not as scared now.

...I will be buying new night lights, though. Just sayin'....

Do you believe in ghosts?

Staring the Year Right

Last year was a year of transition and during that year, one of the sacrifices I made was to drastically scale back on running I still managed to run 2 half marathons and a full marathon, with a Warrior Dash in there for good measure. I ran a 5k and won a plaque for being the top female over the age of 40.  But I really let all the rest of it slide. I didn't train and was happy to have completed the races with the times I achieved. I know I could have (and should have) done better. Can't expect to without training though, and I am darn lucky that I didn't get hurt. I had no business running a marathon when my longest training run for it was a half marathon.

I only really started running about 3 years ago. During that time, my runs have consisted of just that. Going out (or in) and just running. Usually I'd set a time or distance and then I'd run until I achieved that. Or a route. But I didn't plan. I trained for my first marathon, but really all I was training for was endurance. Nothing to do with strength or speed. The first time was really just to prove that I could do it. In my second marathon, I ran a better time. But I didn't have the extreme knee pain that I did in the first. And I didn't train. I didn't even keep an eye on my time.

I don't have any great illusion that I'll be a Boston qualifier. I really don't have a desire to do this. Honestly. I love running for the sake of running, and I don't like the exclusiveness of Boston. Maybe it's because I was never an athlete growing up. It's okay that Boston is Boston and has it's rules and prestige. And it's okay that I don't want to do that. We'll both live happily-ever-after without me setting a goal to qualify. But this year, I am setting goals. And I am going to train. Properly.

I am planning on two marathons this year- the Flying Pig in Cincinnati on May 6th, and the Chicago Marathon in October. I'd like to do maybe three half marathons throughout the year. And some local 5ks to keep me on my feet. If anything, they are great for training. I'd like to run with friends. I'd like to inspire a few of them to run and to run with me. I'll say what everyone says... "if I can do it, you can do it". It's the truth, though. You can do anything that you set your mind to doing. This was me about 15 years ago...

My Mom always told me that I could achieve anything as long as I was willing to make the sacrifices necessary to achieve those goals. I firmly believe this. To run, you need to make time (you'll never "find" it), you need to stick to it and not give up after a bad workout, a bad week, month or even year. You need to be realistic and ask for support when you need it. It's not easy. And it's not for everyone. If you give running an honest try for a few months and still hate it then find something that you love and stick with that. It isn't for everyone. There are other sports that you can do that are equally as beneficial as running. For me, it is running. I love it. Love it. I feel so unbelievably good after a great run. It gives me such confidence and a glow that lifts me for hours and hours. I am grateful to be able to run. To have the ability and the support needed to have the time to train. And to have a boyfriend who is a runner himself and understands. It makes it a lot easier!

Anyhow, my marathon goal for the Flying Pig is 4:30:00. Barring injury or long line at a porta-potty again, there is no reason that I cannot do this. I'll set a new goal for Chicago once I complete the Pig. The training has begun!

Recapping 2011

So. After having a blog for a few years and then having one of the ...well... just one heck of a year in 2011 and thinking about writing about it DAILY and not doing so, I've determined the best thing to do is just jump back in it. New site to let the past blog life reside where it should.

I could spend almost an entire year recapping the entire year, but I'm just going to list the highlights to get it out and on paper and then start with the new. Here we go...

January- Found an apartment for Caden and I and started packing and shopping to furnish an apartment. Broke my streak of running consecutive days just shy of 400 days in a row. Applied for US citizenship.

February- Moved out on my own, with Caden. Okay. Technically not on my own, but still on my own.

March- Filed for divorce. Fingerprinted for citizenship background check. Last minute fill-in for work trip to Costa Rica. Forgot green card at home and had a couple of very stressful days until a coworker brought it to me. Beautiful country.

April- Won the women's Master division at a local 5k and my first wall plaque as an athlete. Me- an athlete! Later in the month, ran the Nashville Country Music Half Marathon. Nashville was beautiful. The race course was terrible. First country music concert after the marathon. I'm listening to country music! And... liking it.

May- Citizenship exam on 3rd. Sworn is as a US citizen May 27th.

June- Three weeks of hosting work meetings: Orlando, New Jersey and Chicago.

July- Divorce final. Resigned from my job and then was offered the opportunity to stay on and work remotely in order to help out for a maternity leave and my absence. Cade's first trip to Illinois.

August- Moved to southern Illinois (which is not near Chicago. I've been asked that a lot). Very near St. Louis, MO (Go Cards!).

September- Job extended indefinitely, as long as it remains mutually beneficial. Deep sigh of relief. First live Cardinals baseball game. Health scare for me after my first mammogram. I had a couple of weeks of waiting for results that I hope to never relive.

October- MO Cowbell Half Marathon beginning of the month. Warrior Dash mid month. Ran the Marine Corp Marathon at the end of the month. It. Was. Amazing. PB.

November- My Saturn Vue died and I bit the bullet and bought my first vehicle completely on my own, a deep cherry red Jeep Liberty. Scary being a grown up.

December- Preparing for a family Christmas. First real tree in about 15 years. First time I am ready for Christmas a good two weeks before Christmas. I have been knitting a lot this month; those elves have nothing on me.

As the year draws to an end, I'm kind of glad to see it go. It was a busy year and one with many, many happy times. Some of the happiest ever. But I'm tired. It was a very high stress year for me. I am not a crier and I cried this year. A lot. I am extremely grateful for the emotional support of my friends and family.