Top o' the Mornin' to ya!

This past Sunday, I had my first race of the season and first outdoor run since mid October, when I ran the St. Louis Rock n Roll Half Marathon. Training has been inconsistent, and only on a treadmill with zero grade (so no simulated hill climbs). As always, if I don't sign up for races I stop running. I need to have a goal. I haven't found my happy place to run here yet (oh Rockland Lake, how I miss you!), so registering for races is what keeps me going.

The Top 'O the Morning 5k is a great local race. Starts flat and then there is a gradual hill climb for a mile, turn around and run down it for a mile and finish on the flat half mile. I did this race last year and remember enjoying the run. I was solo last year so I arrived, sat in my car listening to music before the race, ran, had a quick beer afterwards, chatted with a few people and then got myself back home. Nice run, but pretty much just a run. The following weekend I ran the St. Louis St. Patrick's Day Parade 5 miler. Early morning drive into the city and much frustration trying to park as they were blocking off every street as I approached. Way earlier than advertised...and I was not able to use my $15 prepaid premium parking ticket because I could not get to parking at 6:30 AM. Race didn't start until 9. SO frustrating. Ran, tripping over the masses. Literally. Quick beer afterwards and then zoomed back home to relieve my sitter. If I would have had someone there with me to share the experience I would have stayed longer but seems silly to spend $10 on a sitter when I'm hanging by myself.

This year? Complete opposite. And I could not be happier. I honestly don't think that I could. See?

That's a photo from the end, but let me start at the beginning...

About a week before this race, as Terry and I were chatting, he mentioned that he wouldn't mind joining me that morning. He said he could give me a ride there and be there for support. Can't put into words how much his offer meant to me. Of course I wanted him to be there, but felt hesitant to ask him because I wasn't sure how excited he'd be about getting up early with a lot of sitting around and waiting tacked onto it. Be he really seemed interested and I was thrilled! As a rule, most of the time I like running by myself because it's my "me" time. Even in a crowd. But honestly, I have always wanted to have someone there for me. Someone to help calm the nerves beforehand and especially, to be there at the end. Terry, was perfect for the job.

He picked me up bright and early. 6:30 AM, which with the start of Daylight Savings Time, felt like 5:30. He packed his truck with everything I could want or need...drinks and warm blankets. We got a great parking spot, and I played my loud, angry music to get in the zone. He calmed my nerves a lot. Prerace, I have a lot of excessive energy and it was so great to have someone to distract me and smile at me and make me feel...special in the best possible way. He was there for me. Completely there for me.

We walked around for a bit just shortly after 8 AM. The race was set to start at 8:30. I joined the Road Warriors last year, which is an amazing running group. Runners in general are a fantastic bunch of people. It is a great community full of supportive, encouraging and inspiring people. The Road Warriors are all of that and more. I'll write more about them in a future post. Before every race, there is a photo of all the warriors at that particular race. We were about 90 strong that day, with more than 75 of us in the photo. Here are a couple that Terry took. <3

It was a little chilly that morning, and he kept me warm in his arms. Stood alongside me at the start. Held my jacket as I ran. And he was waiting for me at the finish line, with a huge smile. As usual, I made my way out of sight to heave and try to not vomit in front of everyone...  I push hard at the end and that's typically how I finish...trying not to throw up. :)

He hunted me down and told me how proud of me he was - and how much he was enjoying the experience. He was having fun! Yay! We got our beers...I also grabbed a donut. First donut in ages! Best donut ever. One of the great things about racing is the abundance of food and beverages afterwards, and hanging with the crowd afterwards talking about what you just did and what you have coming up. It was truly, truly wonderful to share this with Terry. And the fact that he enjoyed it so much was icing on the..donut. We had many beers. Watched Irish dancing. Stayed for the drawings...and someone spoiled me just a little (a LOT) with new shoes. Watch for their debut in my entry after the St. Patrick's Day Parade 5 miler coming up this weekend. I have my fingers crossed for that elusive green beer that I've always wanted to try. ;) But you know what will be the best part, hands down? That my guy will be there for me again. <3

I love you to the moon and back, Terry.

<3 Cat

My Wonderful Valentine

I have been on the oft referenced Cloud 9 for more than 6 weeks now. Forty three days, to be precise. I can honestly say that I've never felt like this. I have been in love before - but it's never been anything like this and I, from time to time, can't get my head wrapped around it. Being loved back the same way that you love someone is just simply... divine.

My Valentine spoiled me very much. More that I could ever dream. I felt like I was in a movie... a great love story that just got better and better. Flowers and a card. A beautiful room in the city with a breathtaking view. Wine. Chocolate. New shoes. Boots. Dresses. A sweater. Lacy things. All purchased ahead of time and beautifully arranged in the room. A terrific meal. Drinks on the roof top. A wonderful breakfast. Over the top and very, very much appreciated. This has been a better Valentine's Day than all the ones in my past rolled up together. It's not about the stuff (although I'm not going to lie... it was wonderful being spoiled like that)...it's about the thought. My Valentine thinks about me. That's the difference. I know it makes him happy to make me happy, but the fact that he really cares about my happiness and puts it above his, just...well... leaves me speechless and breathless. And floating.... up on that cloud.

I love you, Terry. You've made me believe in true love again.

<3 Cat

All About Me Now!!!

OK, Cat Lovers!  So who am I really?  Good question…the four window panes of Johari’s Window is an enigma.  One pane is that which I know about me and that which others know about me.  Pretty simple and surface shallow right?  The second pane is that which I know about me that others do not know.  Ah, yes, my secrets that I shall never share. Then there’s the third pane of that which I don’t know about me and others don’t know…haven’t truly figured that one out yet…and probably really don’t care to…might be a bit scary, LOL.  But, then there's the fourth and final pane…the one many of us, whether you know Johari’s Window or not, are usually most curious about.  That which I do not know about myself, but others do know about me!  Really?  I wanna know....Is there something about me that others know that I don’t know?  Ya, evidently!  So, there has been enlightenment, YAY as I say!  I’ve had the opportunity to find a person who is open and honest to tell me everything that I’m not supposed to know about myself.  So, here is who I am!

I am a beautiful spirit!  I’m usually calm and collected, but I do have fight in me.  Mess with my Cade or my Pino…and you’re in for a fight.  I have a very loving heart.  I’ve been hurt many times in the past, but I cannot and will not let that ever hold me back from who I am or define me as a woman.  I’m a runner!  Not because I have to, but because it’s my solace, my peace, and my happy place where I can feel alive, experience life, and dream of that which I am deserving of!  (Prepositional phrase, FIDO, Lt McCleary, USMC, acronym)  I have so much love to give and want to experience all that life has to give.  Am I in love?  Yep!  Am I happy?  Yep!  Have I reached self-actualization?  Not sure, but I believe it couldn’t get any better than this (oh contraire dear, some may beg to differ).  I am beautiful, inside and out!  I have these sexy expressions I make with my face without knowing it when I’m talking to the man I want to be with.  I have the most beautiful smile…don’t be haters, it’s unbecoming and relative!  I love deeply and I hurt deeply…but I am still a perfect woman!  

And who knows this and whose heart has this entire enlightenment come from?  Me? No, not the Cat!  I am the man who is in love with Cat…me…Terry!  Any questions?  I didn’t think so, because I’m sure I haven’t said anything anyone who loves this woman doesn’t already know…Thank you for allowing me to be a “guest blogger”…

Cat, I am so in love with you…you are the perfect woman…for me!  Happy 1^st Valentine’s Day my love!

XOXO – Terry

P.S.   Well I guess I’m out there now, eh?

I Heart Valentine's Day

I do.

I guess I bought into it when I was a little girl and fell in love with the heart shaped boxes of chocolates that adorned the shelves of departments stores, grocery stores and drug stores every February. I couldn't wait until I was old enough to have someone special to share this day with...a day  to just celebrate love.

Yes... every day should be a day to celebrate love. It shouldn't have to be on one certain day of the year. And I do think it is far too commercial, just as most "holidays" are now. Is it more special to receive flowers just because someone was thinking of you and wanted to pick you a flower or pick one (or two or a dozen) up along the way home? Yes. But I also think it is important to celebrate a day that is designated as "the" day. It doesn't have to be huge and over-blown. It doesn't have to be bigger and better or expensive at all. Truthfully, I don't want that box of chocolates any longer. What I want is a declaration of love. It can be a card. Handmade or not. It can be a note. A text. A call. A dinner out or a dinner in. Something to let me know that my someone special knows that Valentine's Day is important to me. You see, that is where I think that a lot of people go wrong.

I have had some very bad Valentine's Days. Full out, broken hearted sobbing on my part. Why? Well, a few of my relationships were with men that didn't believe in Valentine's Day. They thought it was stupid and commercial and that they could be romantic any day of the year - it shouldn't have to be on a day that was dictated to them. I have a couple of issues with this. One: as mentioned above, the day wasn't important to them, but... BUT... it was important to me. I spent far too many years of my life telling myself that it was fine to give up on what I wanted because someone else didn't think it was important. If it's important to me, it should be important enough to them to put in the effort to write me a note or make a card. I've never asked for the moon. Second; that "romance" that they led me to believe could be done any day of the year never really materialized.

I understand that the first year in a relationship you are really learning about the other person and what is and isn't important to them. But once you get to the second cycle and it happens again, it's a very real indication of how it will always be. That first Valentine's Day with my first husband where I spent hours and hours preparing a special meal with a handmade card and he didn't bother to show up until 10 pm and was drunk and mad at me for being upset...was a great indicator of future Valentine's Days (and many other days too, actually). The last couple of Valentine's Days were epically not great as well. It all boils down to the fact that the day just wasn't important to them. It really doesn't have to be. But I think that in a good and balanced relationship, if something is that important to someone you just make the effort. I do. There are things that are important to those special people in my life that I might not love, or even like much, but if it's important to them I will make an effort. Most importantly, I will not ruin it for them. Because I don't love something doesn't mean that it is stupid or not important.

This year is different. This year, something has been planned for me. Really for me. I'm not being tacked on to someone else's plans. Not having someone running out at last minute because they feel obligated and pressured by society. And not simply ignored because "it's not important". I have someone in my life who gets it. Who gets me. How lucky am I? So lucky in so many ways. So blessed and grateful for it. And this year I am really, really looking forward to Valentine's Day. Not for "things" because it's never been about that. It's for the open heart that is cradling mine. And the open arms that accept mine. It's because of this free fall that I have been on for almost six weeks now. This is a beautiful life when you truly find a same soul. A Valentine. My Valentine.

<3  Cat

Coming Soon... a Guest Blogger!

I suggested that my guy write a guest post for this blog...and I think he is going take me up on it. His condition is that I am not allowed to read it until after I post it. I agreed, of course. But I've had a day to think about it now and it is striking a little fear in my heart. :)  Oh no! What is he going to write about? Why doesn't he want me to read it first? Even if I promise to not edit anything?? What have I done???

This morning I took a deep breath, and pondered it as I had a long run on the treadmill. Have I mentioned that when I run I love to work things out in my head? So today, I worked that out. What I came up with is... I have written about him a few times. I've written about a few of you from time to time. And I don't run what I write past anyone before I post anything. I am guilty of over-editing myself most of the time and leaving out the really meaty parts, but I always try to think of the feelings of the person I am writing about. Sometimes I fail but I think I get it right most of the time. So why am I so concerned with what my guy may write? Well. Probably for the same reason that my posts about him make him a little uncomfortable.

You see, along with being the most loving, caring, thoughtful and AMAZING man in the WORLD, he is also very, very humble. Extremely selfless. Very much a giver and uncomfortable being a taker. To a fault, I might even say. Don't get me wrong- these are very admirable and beautiful traits in a person. They are also ones I am certainly not used to, not in this combination at least. He is confident, but not arrogant. I love all of this- I love every piece of the puzzle that he is. He asked me what I would change about him if I could change anything and I honestly, honestly would not change a single thing. I find myself just staring at him and getting lost in the way he looks at me, what he says to me, how he treats me, they way he views life and relationships... I found my Prince Charming. There is no doubt in my mind.

So. If his post is about me, or us... I will probably feel like he feels when I write about him, which is a nice, but slightly uncomfortable experience because he is so focused on making other people happy that is is hard for him to just sit back and accept praise. It's not easy to give up control of what other people may write about you or your relationship. He has assured me he is fine with it - but I believe it's a little hard for him at the same time. And I understand that. And you know what? I am going to let him write about what ever his heart desires to write about. I do want you to know that it will be unedited and I will read it for the first time once it is posted. And I am okay with this.

...I just hope he doesn't confide that he really has a million spiders in his basement dressed like clowns... but then again, better to know now that later!!!

<3  Cat

There be...Cats

I've been dabbling with zen tangles since last spring. My dad's girlfriend introduced them to me, and I fell hard and fast for this art form. Google it to see some great examples, but its basically doodling in patterns. Love to doodle, and I get lost in patterns. What a beautiful marriage! I started off slowly and had fun playing but never really felt like I achieved lift off. When I did carve out some time, I'd lose track of time and I fell into the shapes and patterns. This is a great form of meditation for me.

This past Boxing Day, or December 26th, I drew my first Zen Cat. I received a new zen doodle book from my brother and sister-in-law for Christmas and it inspired me to pick up my book, pencil, ERASER, and ink pens again. I liked the idea of cats because of the obvious play on my name, plus they come in so many pattern. Not that any of my cats look anything similar to a real cat...but you get the idea. To start, these cats do represent me. I'm starting to put more thought into them before I start drawing now so I have elements of my feelings incorporated in them. I'm starting to add just a splash of color, playing with water color pencils. These drawings take 3 to 5 hours to complete. I know that sounds crazy. But it is a slow process and I get up from time to time to refill my wine glass. :-). I start with pencil to get the shapes and spaces the way I want them to be. Then I outline with one of my fine point markers. I have 8 different styles of markers, depending on how fine I want the detail. If I put music on and sit on the floor or at the kitchen table, I get completely lost in what I'm doing. It's relaxing and peaceful. They bring me joy. 

With all of the good in my life right now and the fact that I am back to running and working out...and I'm also knitting again, I can't say that I really need to tangle. But it is another great outlet that I have found for those times that I am working something out, or wanting to share my joy with the world. It's nice to have ways to connect with your core. With your essence. With your joy or sorrow and to just feel. When I look at these drawings now, I can hear the music I was listening to and feel the feelings I had at the time. I think that art evokes emotions in the eye of the beholder, but it also primarily evokes emotions in the person that created it. What I draw or write is a personal expression. And the way someone else views it is based of where they are on their path of life. That's the great thing about art. It means something different to everyone.

To be clear, these are just beginning drawings. I learn more every time I create one and I'm learning to be more mindful as I create. My next step is to add a couple additional animals into the rotation so I can start story telling. I drew an elephants for a special lady. With the addition of a few extra elements, it really got me thinking as to where I can go with this. I think there is a story here. An illustrated one.

Below is the collection so far...

<3  Cat

First Cat, 12/26/145

12/31/14

12/27/14

1/30/1

2/4/15

For Bev  <3  2/1/15

Goodbye Joyous January... Welcome Fabulous February!

One month of lots of laugher, terrific conversations lasting until 4 AM, new beginnings, surprises, wonderful food and drink...and almost 10 lbs added to my frame. Ak! Love is great! It's fun! It's making me dizzy and happy and childlike...and my clothes aren't fitting anymore... Lions and tigers and bears... oh my...

Yesterday I started three 30 day challenges - arms, abs and squats. Committed to a minimum of a 100 mile run month. And back to my veggies and low-gluten way of eating. For the most part. ;)  As long as I stay working out and maybe getting a little more sleep than I have been, I can afford a few cheats here and there. Time to start signing up for races and stick to training. And still be madly in love with this wonderful man that holds my heart.

Last evening as we were chatting on the phone, I mentioned that I am ready for the warmer weather so I could be done with scraping my windshield. I really don't have anything to complain about - our winter has not been bad at all. But this is my ice scraper...

Yep - it's a Lego square that my son brought out one day to scrape the windows. It works with the frost; not so great with the thicker ice. I only have one key for my car, so defrosting consists of sitting in my car while everything melts. Brr :)  About a half an hour after ending our call...knock knock knocking on Cat's door. Another brown paper bag! Very thoughtful, delicious surprises. And. AND. A real ice scraper and de-icing spray for my windows! Didn't even know de-icing spray existed. A quick, 10 minute visit - but this is my beautiful reality now. He continually surprises me with kindness and thoughtfulness and he really, really makes me feel like I am loved. 

I have a hard time writing about this without deleting half of what I've written. Trying hard to keep my feet on the ground and head out of the clouds, but it's proving much more difficult that I thought it could be. And I like it. A lot. 

<3  Namaste.